|
little_linnet
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: Krista
Gender: Female
Interests: Being overpowered, feminism and progressive politics, gardening, cooking, sewing, empowered birth and lactivism
Message: message me
Member Since:
11/10/2006
|
|
SubscriptionsSites I Read
|
|
|
|
| (This topic still fascinates me -- even if it does piss me off.)
Obviously there are people posing as dominants (the "kneel bitch!"
brigade) who expect submissive women to be doormats for them. (Has
anyone noticed that describing themselves as "not a doormat" has kept
these guys away? Anybody? Bueller?)
I've never seen a single submissive, one who is actively seeking a
dominant or active in the BDSM or ownership subculture, not a single
one, who I would describe as a doormat.
Not one.
That's not saying it's impossible for them to exist, of course, but I
think it says something about how frequently they occur. In contrast,
discussions about submission reliably bring up the "doormat" thing,
constantly, to the point where you'd think the Scene was, well,
carpeted with them.
What does exist, though, maybe not as plentifully as the mythical
doormat, but in fairly good numbers, are those of us who choose not to
seek a life with limits on our submission, and who choose to challenge
the experience of surrendering choices and ego and the validation of
the BDSM scene for our submission and our relationships.
WE are what people in the general BDSM scene refer to as doormats.
They're talking about us. And, they are doing it in a way that props up
a precious illusion -- the illusion that there's nothing between Scene
submission, and being a useless, unhealthy, unintelligent doormat.
| | |
| I like incense. I'm very glad Mr Linnet likes incense too, because it gives my twisted, alternative little heart a warm glow to make his living spaces all homey with warm smoky scents.
I placed a good-sized order from Essence Of The Ages recently when I found out that Nippon Kodo discontinued its Morning Star Gold line, and I had to scramble to stock up lest I be caught without cheap aloeswood sticks. I added boxes of several kinds I'd never tried, because duh. How do you order incense and not order new incense?
Unfortunately, the results were craptastic. I ordered 3 boxes from the Fragrance Memories line, and only one of those is pleasant enough to use up the whole box: Sahara Moon is a pretty low-key, smooth, spicy-musky blend. Green Oasis was so offensive I had to seal it in a Ziploc before I put it in the closet with the rest of my stuff to swap or give away -- very strong dryer-sheet smell that assaulted me as soon as I opened the box (not the incense box, mind you, the box it all was mailed to me in). Wake Up was just ... weird. I expected a blend of citrus and pink pepper to be a little quirky, but we just didn't get along at all. And Fig, from the basic Morning Star line, was strongly reminiscent of fruity tree-shaped car air freshener.
Ultimately, most of the Morning Star and Fragrance Memory lines are just too synthetic smelling for me: I've developed a taste for incense that smells like its ingredients, not perfume oils set on fire. I'm actually much happier with the big box of Morning Star sandalwood I grabbed for a steal at the East Asia supermarket -- it's mellow and spicy (I strongly suspect this is because it's been sitting on a dusty shelf for a long time, and sandalwood ages well. I need to convince Mr Linnet that we should stock up on 4 or 5 boxes to stick in a dark cool place for another couple years). And it was a real bargain. Unlike the Fig sticks and the Fragrance Memories line this variety appears to have no artificial colorants in it and I expect that although it's not high-grade, it's actual sandalwood based.
Speaking of sandalwood, Essence Of The Ages included a sample pack of Shah Sandalwood Dhoop Sticks. They're dhoop logs, meaning they're short and squatty with no stick, and don't fit well in the included holder. They're OK. I'm not impressed. I'd rather have the Morning Star Sandalwood.
Stay tuned as I explore the scary world of real aloeswood now that I've been forced out of my Morning Star Gold comfort zone. Carolyn reports good results with NK's Kohdo Spicy Aloeswood, so that's one possibility, and NK's Zuiun Aloeswood looks promising as well for under $6/pack.
| | |
| I've always thought that saying I own something or that it's mine is
only shorthand for saying that it's something I live with in my
environment and get to enjoy or use or whatever. I want to examine that
closely and see if it's true.
I know that when I'm
non-depressed and happy in my relationship with Mr L my tendency is to
joyfully attribute everything good I have to him: Oh thank you, you let
me get my favorite cereal at the store, oh thank you, you bought me
pretty things at the Goodwill. The nature of a relationship, though, is
that things aren't always happy and smooth sailing and when I'm
depressed or unhappy my tendency is to clutch at the things I treasure
to ensure that they're "mine" and that no one takes them away from me.
I wonder whether this is an effect of being unhappy and insecure, or
whether it *has* a causal effect on being unhappy and insecure.
Of
course, our personal histories are different and this probably affects
the way each of us looks at material belongings. I've never been in a
position where I provided for myself; I went straight from living with
my mother (who used good things of all kinds from food to cosmetics and
gifts as tools to reflect whether I was in a state of grace with her
and to maintain control over me) to marrying Mr L. Living with Mr L and
being dependent on him was the first time I experienced being given
good things as an imperfect person, on having my access to the things I
enjoyed not being dependent on the state of our relationship.
He
has always provided for me, and I think this means I view him as
provider on a basic level, while my experience with my mother makes it
hard for me to take material things for granted, which change the
equation for me. I struggle with a feeling of entitlement to material
goods in general, I think the same entitlement more or less that people
in a privileged society like ours have, but my tendency is not to feel
entitled to things by being given them and feel humble by being denied
them, it's the opposite. I feel humbled and grateful when I get things
and if I feel insecure or unhappy I clutch tightly at the things I have
while not daring to show desire for other things. | | |
| I am feeling so sad about not being allowed to wear pretty jewelry.
And then I feel a little turned on by feeling sad.
Yup.
This window into Linnet's mind brought to you by Reactions Only Perverts Have, Short Theater Edition.
| | |
| I'm a gonna talk about bleeding here, so if that gets your panties (or manpanties) all in a wad, don't read it. Yeah, I talk about it, I have no shame about bleedin' from my uterus.
So I'm on my period, and Mr L and I have figured out that I get freakin' exhausted on my period. Leading us to conclude that anemia is a big chunk of my problem, even though the lab reports came back supposedly normal. I've been on iron supplements for I think 4 weeks now? and B-complex supplements for about 2 weeks and there seems to be some general improvement in my energy (although the damn circles under my eyes don't seem to be going away). I still just keel over when I bleed though. It sucks.
When I stop to think about it, though, the general improvement is pretty noticeable. I've been doing laundry again, some garden chores, stuff like cleaning the bathroom before it gets to biohazard levels. Going through the house picking up a couple hours before bed, which is something I don't think I've done for months. Getting back to my semiritualized habit of keeping the bedroom tidy and pleasant for Mr L.
If I get overambitious, though, I wipe myself out and sleep all day the next day. It's a fine line to walk.
Yesterday was mr L's birthday. I am forbidden to tell anyone how old he is because he's slightly depressed about it. I think he's being ridiculous, which is more than a little hypocritical of me considering how I freak the hell out about turning 30 next year. I never thought I would do that, but there you go. Anyway, I generally spoiled him for most of the day, which paid off (the mercenary little snippet says) in a moderate but satisfying "birthday spanking". My butt, she misses the spankings.
| | |
|
